Pregnancy after a miscarriage: how should I cope?

Experiencing a pregnancy after a miscarriage brings mixed emotions. On one hand, there is sadness for the baby that was lost. On the other, there is hope and joy for the baby on the way. This is why they are called "rainbow" pregnancies, a metaphor for the excitement of a new pregnancy alongside the pain of the previous loss. All these feelings are normal, although some strategies can help in coping with the situation. Psychologist Anaïs Barcelona explains.

Coping with the death of a child

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines as perinatal death The loss of a child that occurs from the 22nd week of gestation until the first seven days of life. Early pregnancy loss is that which occurs before this time. Neonatal death would include the first 28 days of life.

Perinatal grief is a grief often denied, given that There is a great taboo surrounding infant deaths. Parents don't have a name like widows or orphans do. It's important not to deny the existence of the lost child. This child did exist for the parents and deserves their identity and place in the family. The pain of such a painful loss does not disappear, but it can be transformed and integrated over time.

To conceive again after loss

After a pregnancy loss, in Spain between 50% and 80% of couples conceive again. 33% of women become pregnant within the following 9 months after the loss. 

Anxiety in pregnant women who have experienced a previous loss increases on significant dates (for example, anniversaries), during checkups and ultrasounds, when the pregnancy occurs less than a year after the loss, and in response to typical pregnancy events (discomfort, bleeding). Each mother and father will experience grief in a unique way, although there are a number of feelings that most people experience, such as helplessness, guilt, sadness, and anger. 

How long is it advisable to wait before trying for another pregnancy?

Many parents wonder how long they should wait before trying for another pregnancy. Generally, it's recommended that women wait at least six months before becoming pregnant again. Waiting less than five months between pregnancies significantly increases the risk of complicated grief, with a consequent rise in the likelihood of psychological difficulties during pregnancy and postpartum. 

How to navigate grief and fully experience a new pregnancy? 9 tips

1. Seek support from family, friends, or a mutual support group (GAMThese groups are meeting places for families going through the same situation. Talking about one's own feelings and learning about the stories and journeys of other families can be therapeutic. 
2. Understand that the new baby is not coming to replace the old one, Therefore, giving it the same name could be confusing for everyone. 
3. Store baby keepsakes (photographs, hand/footprints, a lock of hair, the umbilical cord) in a box is one of the good practices recommended in the guidelines for action for grieving families. 
4. Become part of a parents' association Those who have experienced perinatal loss can find it very helpful. There are several associations in Spain and Latin America. 
5. Seek professional help to cope with grief. Not all parents need help from a perinatal mental health professional; however, it can be very helpful in cases of more complicated grief or maternal and/or paternal depression.
6. Ritualizing the farewell to the death of a son with an intimate family ceremony to help integrate the loss. 
7. Give time and space to process grief. A pregnancy loss is a traumatic event that generates a lot of sadness, regardless of the week of pregnancy in which the loss occurred. 
8. It is essential that contradictory feelings are accepted. Expressing feelings, often ambivalent, is beneficial for the woman and her pregnancy. 
9. You are not alone in the loss of your child and your new pregnancy. Take all the time you need to grieve. Express your feelings, connect with other families in the same situation, and ask for all the help you need.